Fidelity

Fidelity

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s probably no surprise that I have chosen to write about fidelity since the absence of it is what ruined my marriage. But rather than talk about the lack of fidelity, I’d like to focus on the blessings that fidelity brings to marriage.

In an article entitled, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” President Ezra Taft Benson says, “Fidelity to one’s marriage vows is absolutely essential for love, trust, and peace” (Benson). Without fidelity, we know that those elements in marriage are destroyed—sometimes never to return. Yet, most marriages survive and thrive because spouses are faithful to one another. We know that other problems exist in marriage, but when there is love, trust and peace, those problems can be overcome.

Fidelity increases our ability to love. In an April 2013 General Conference address, Elder David A. Bednar says:

“Alma counseled his son Shiblon to “bridle all [of his] passions, that [he] may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). Significantly, disciplining the natural man in each of us makes possible a richer, a deeper, and a more enduring love of God and of His children. Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence.”

As we keep our covenants and remain chaste and pure, our love grows. Along with an increase in love, our trust in one another builds.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (Proverbs 31:10-11). Elder James E. Faust said, “Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest enriching factors in marriage” (Faust). Our fidelity produces trust, which enhances our relationships. When we trust one another, we can safely share our thoughts and dreams with each other because our vulnerability is protected. It’s a beautiful thing to create and have trust in marriage.

Peace is another outcome of fidelity. Peace is something that we feel in our souls. It’s the calm assurance that all is well. The beautiful thing about peace is that it can be felt even in the midst of tragedy and upheaval. Peace in marriage is sustained and increased as we keep the commandments and honor our covenants.

Love, trust, and peace are just a few of the results that fidelity can bring to a marriage, yet for many, they are some of the most important aspects in a relationship. I know what it feels like to lose them, but I also know that they can be rebuilt—with or without a partner. The key to rebuilding anything that is lost is faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have hope that someday I will have a relationship that is founded on these principles. Until then, I have love, trust, and peace in my relationship with God—built upon fidelity to Him.

Works Cited

Bednar, David A. “We Believe In Being Chaste”. Lds.Org, 2013, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/we-believe-in-being-chaste?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Benson, Ezra Taft. “Salvation—A Family Affair”. Lds.Org, 1992, https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/1992/11/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Faust, James E. “The Enriching Of Marriage”. Lds.Org, 1977, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1977/11/the-enriching-of-marriage?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Marriage: Burying Our Weapons of War

Marriage: Burying Our Weapons of War

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Anti-Nephi-Lehies Burying Their Swords

There is a group of people called the Anti-Nephi-Lehies in the Book of Mormon, who after having heard and accepted the gospel, vowed to bury their weapons of war as a symbol of their covenant to follow God. For hundreds of years, these people (formerly the Lamanites) had been at war with the Nephites—blaming them for their circumstances in life and swearing an oath to destroy them. Hearing the word of God softened their hearts (Alma 24:8). Along with the vow to bury their weapons, they also endeavored to repair their relationship with their brethren, the Nephites.

This story illustrates how we can bury our weapons of war in our relationships. By doing so, we commit to give up our criticism, contempt, and other weapons used against our loved ones which only serve to divide us rather than change what may be wrong.

How do we bury these weapons of destruction? In his book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” H. Wallace Goddard quotes President Joseph F. Smith:

“We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better? Isn’t it better not to speak of faults, not to magnify weaknesses by iterating and reiterating them? Isn’t that better? And will not the union that has been cemented between you and the birth of children and by the bond of the new and everlasting covenant, be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and faults one of another? Is it not better to drop them and say nothing about them—bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel, one for another, and thus bury each other’s faults and not magnify them; isn’t that better?” (Goddard)

Throughout his book, Goddard has remained consistent—the key to fixing most problems within the marriage is to fix oneself first. In his chapter on charity, he explains how vital it is that we obtain charity so that our marriage and other relationships survive and thrive.

In the Guide to the Scriptures, we learn that charity is “the love that Christ has for the children of men and that the children of men should have for one another (2 Ne. 26:30; 33:7–9; Ether 12:33–34); the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection” (“Charity”). The Anti-Nephi-Lehies had this type of love for their brethren, the Nephites. Charity is what enabled them to bury their weapons of war.

We can obtain charity as they did, and as Mormon instructs in the Book of Moroni, chapter 7. We start by having faith in Jesus Christ and, through repentance, allow the presence of the Holy Ghost to fill our hearts (vs. 32). As we continue to repent and make changes in our lives, we are filled with hope (vs. 41). Hope in Christ gives us the confidence before God that we need in order to ask Him for the gift of charity (vs. 48). As our hearts are filled with this love, we “[seek] not [our] own” (vs. 45), but the welfare of others.

The amazing thing about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies is that “they were firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end” (Alma 27:27). They buried their weapons of war and never once deviated from their promise. Think about the possibilities of obtaining charity and burying the weapons of fault-finding, criticism, contempt, etc., forever. How would that look in our relationships?

Charity covers a “multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) because we no longer focus on them. I have seen how this principle has changed my relationships with my family members. I’ve noticed that I’m less judgmental and more patient. I have greater empathy and more tolerance. I am more forgiving and kinder. I still have a long way to go. Charity is not something that has been wholly granted to me. Most likely because I have not given my whole self over to God. Yet, I have faith that as I continue to turn my heart over to Him and give up my sins, He will continue to grant a portion of His love to me.

We all can have this type of love in our relationships. As with every good thing, it takes effort on our part to obtain. The wonderful thing about the arithmetic of heaven, is our effort is multiplied by the hundreds because we have Christ on our side. After all, it is through Him that we obtain “every good gift” (Moroni 10:18).

Works Cited

“Charity”. Lds.Org, 2019, https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/charity?lang=eng&letter=C.

Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, 2007, p. 124.

The Miracle of Forgiveness

The Miracle of Forgiveness

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Rippled Water

“Tranquility to the soul” (Holland). That’s what forgiveness and reconciliation brings according to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in a recent General Conference address. In the scriptures, Paul talks of the “peace of God, which passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). This feeling, similar to “tranquility of the soul,” is something that comes through being able to forgive others and reconcile our hearts with them.

Why is forgiveness necessary? Foremost, it is a commandment: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). The promise we receive in return for forgiving others, is that we will be forgiven of our sins. We should think hard on that thought. When we withhold our forgiveness, because it is a choice to forgive or not, then the Lord will withhold His forgiveness to us.

Secondly, forgiveness heals our hearts. Think about the feelings that precede forgiveness: resentment, bitterness, hate, envy, blame, justification, etc. These feelings are toxic to our souls. In an April 2007 General Conference address, Elder James E. Faust mentioned a few benefits of forgiveness in his address which were mentioned in scientific studies. Those benefits include, “a higher level of self-esteem and well-being” (Faust). Meaning that people become, “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed” when they learn to forgive (Faust). When we forgive others, our souls are rid of those toxic feelings. Through the healing power of the atonement, we are filled with peace, love, kindness, and empathy.

Third, forgiveness can bring reconciliation. It was possible for my marriage to heal—even after all that had been done to nearly destroy it. Forgiveness may not heal all relationships, but it’s possible to reconcile completely even when there have been long-standing disagreements or extreme hurt.

Temple House Gallery

I wrote about my failed marriage in my last blog post. Over the course of my marriage, I had to the learn the lesson on forgiveness over and over again as infidelities and addictions came to light several times. It wasn’t always easy, and at one point, the pain, suffering, and resentment built up to unmanageable levels. It was at this time of harboring long-held resentment towards my husband, that I remember the intense feeling of it being washed away as I gained the capacity to forgive my ex. Through the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, an overpowering sense of peace came over me. A miracle had taken place in my life. Not only did I feel the tranquility that Elder Holland speaks of, but I knew my sins had been forgiven too. My whole soul was cleansed and sanctified.

Today, I know that I can turn to God as soon as ill feelings towards another comes into my mind and heart. I know that He will hear my plea for help and that the atonement will bring peace again when I repent of those feelings. I know that forgiveness is a powerful tool that we can wield with the help of God. I am so grateful for this gift and for the abundant blessings that I have received in my life because I have been willing to forgive.

Works Cited

Faust, James E. “The Healing Power Of Forgiveness”. Lds.Org, 2007, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness?lang=eng. Accessed 6 Mar 2019.

Holland, Jeffrey R. “The Ministry Of Reconciliation”. Lds.Org, 2018, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/the-ministry-of-reconciliation?lang=eng. Accessed 6 Mar 2019.

Pride within Our Relationships

Pride within Our Relationships

by Andrea ♥ 1 Comment

There’s an interesting postscript at the end of chapter 4 in the book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.” H. Wallace Goddard says, “If, as you read this chapter, you found yourself thinking how much your partner needs it, I encourage you to re-read the chapter with yourself in mind” (Goddard). Much of the chapter teaches how humility and repentance is the cure for pride.

In his historical General Conference address, “Beware of Pride,” President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves” (Benson). This is one of the sins of pride that I struggle with myself. As I look back on my marriage, it would be easy to put the sole blame on my ex-husband’s addictions and infidelities as the reason for the failure of our marriage. But what of my own failures? Surely no one can say that they are completely without blame, regardless of the overarching problems that may cause relationships to fail.

When I was in group counseling with other wives whose spouses grappled with pornography addiction, we learned that playing the victim is as damaging to us as it is to our spouses. It doesn’t matter if we actually are a victim at times, “playing the victim” is a defensive maneuver meant to cast blame on our spouse. In effect, we are saying, “You are to blame for everything, not me.”

In our relationships, we need to thoroughly look at how we are part of the problem. We all have some form of pride carefully concealed within our hearts. If we sincerely go to the Lord for help, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will see “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13). This doesn’t necessarily come as censure or criticism from God. We should not be afraid to have the Lord show us our faults. Rather, it is one of the sincerest displays of love that our Father in Heaven shows us. He is effectively saying to us, “Here’s what I see. Let me help.”

Another form of pride that President Benson speaks of is how the “[prideful] are easily offended and hold grudges” (Benson). For a number of years, I held onto resentment for the things my husband had done. It’s something that I still struggle with every once-in-a-while when old memories resurface, but it’s amazing how the atonement conquers pride.

In the pre-mortal world, our Father in Heaven presented a plan. The plan centered on Jesus Christ and the infinite and eternal atonement He would make for us all. In opposition to Heavenly Father and the Savior, Satan countered the plan with one of his own. His plan put himself above all, including God. Satan’s pride was his eventual downfall.

Resentment is one of the worst forms of pride and damages every relationship we are in. Like the pride of not admitting our own faults, resentment clouds our vision of what is real. To counter resentment, we have to be willing to let go. More importantly, we need the grace of the atonement to clear up our perspective. When we have repented of this form of pride, we begin to see the good in others. Once again, we see things as they really are.

 “The central feature of pride,” says President Benson, “is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowman. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us” (Benson). Which family member, friend, fellow ward member, or co-worker do we feel enmity towards? If this is the power with which Satan would rule over us, then why do we persist in being like Satan? That may sound harsh, but we are in direct opposition to God when we have enmity towards anyone.

What does enmity look like? Let’s instead look at the antonyms of enmity: friendship, goodwill, kindness, love, respect, sweetness, approval, affinity, sympathy, etc. (“enmity”). If any of these are lacking in our relationships, then we might look at enmity for being the reason. To overcome enmity, we must be humble and repent.

In response to Satan’s intrusion in the Garden of Eden, God said he would place enmity (meaning Jesus Christ) between Satan and the seed of the woman (Adam and Eve and their posterity) (Moses 4:21). As we turn towards Jesus Christ, through the grace of His atonement, our hearts will be softened and His cleansing power will remove enmity from our souls. The Savior is key to us being able to repair our relationships because of pride.

Pride is the root cause of the damage that we inflict in any of our relationships. It doesn’t matter if the other person may have done something wrong or has offended us or if we are the instigator, we all have pride and we all must overcome it.

Meridian Magazine

I testify that humility and repentance are key to ridding ourselves of pride. Once I recognized my own sins and sought relief, the power of the Savior’s atonement had an effect on me. My heart was softened and mended and my outlook changed. Although my journey through the repentance process didn’t repair my marriage, it transformed me and gave me so much hope for a better life to come.

As I continue to repent, the Lord continues to show me where I have pride. As I accept His loving admonitions, The Holy Spirit cleanses and sanctifies me. Pride can be our downfall, but recognizing that we have pride can lead us closer to our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ if we humbly seek Them.

Works Cited

Benson, Ezra Taft. “Beware Of Pride”. Lds.Org, 1989, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng. Accessed 27 Feb 2019.

“enmity.” Thesaurus.com. 2013. https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/enmity. 27 Feb 2019.

Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, 2007, p. 84.

Trust in the Scriptures and in Our Relationships

Trust in the Scriptures and in Our Relationships

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In the book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, the third principle is called Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away. As this title suggests, spouses will turn towards each other in little moments like putting your phone down when your partner asks a question. Or, helping to bring the groceries in when you can see your spouse has a few more loads. These small things build “mutual trust” in the relationship (Gottman, and Silver).

This idea of mutual trust is intriguing. What is mutual trust and why is it important in marriage and other relationships? We would do well to follow the principles of trust espoused in the scriptures and find ways to apply that counsel in our relationships.

Not Relying On Our Own Understanding

(Griffiths, n.d.)

In Proverbs, we are counseled to the trust the Lord and not rely on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). How often do we assume the meaning behind the words and actions of another by leaning on our own understanding? In verse 6, we are told to acknowledge the Lord and then He will direct our paths. Instead of making assumptions, which are often wrong, we can ask our partner to clarify what they just said or why they seem to be upset so that our understanding is clear. 

For instance, if you come home and see the house in a mess and wonder why the kids are running around nearly naked, will you assume your spouse has been watching TV and ignoring the kids? Or will you gently wrap your arms around her and ask her how you can help? You are most likely as tired and exhausted as she is, possibly more, but turning towards her in what may be a time of need will strengthen the bonds in your relationship. As we learn to seek understanding in the words and actions of our spouses, we will build mutual trust.

Putting Our Mutual Trust In God

In the Old Testament we learn the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. They refused to worship the golden image that Nebuchadnezzar created, so they were thrust into a fiery furnace as punishment. They collectively placed their trust in God and were delivered from death (Daniel 3:19-28). There are other instances in the scriptures too where putting trust in God has delivered His people from destruction.

In a Christian marriage, there is no way to successfully navigate the trials that every relationship faces without trust in God and in one another. In every instance in the scriptures where trust is placed in God, there is a promise of deliverance. As we turn towards God together, we also turn towards one another. Not only are we rescued from our trials, but our marriage is fortified against further hardships.

Safeguarding Our Spouse’s Heart

Here is a beautiful explanation of mutual trust in marriage as told by Sister Barbara B. Smith, a former General Relief Society President:

“The scriptural passages in Proverbs 31 are well known for their listing of the admirable qualities of the virtuous woman, whose ‘price is far above rubies’ (verse 10), but in verse 11 we discover a remarkable description of marriage. It reads: ‘The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.’ This memorable line discloses, first, that the husband has entrusted his heart to his wife, and second, that she safeguards it. They seem to understand an important truth, that every man and woman who covenant to establish a family must create a safe place for their love (Smith).”

Isn’t that beautiful? Mutual trust creates “a safe place for … love.” This is a place devoid of contention, resentment, and contempt. When we’re in this place, we see the good and uplift one another. Additionally, we place our covenants above our own wants and see to the needs of one another.

Not relying on our own understanding, putting our mutual trust in God, and safeguarding our spouse’s heart are just a few things that we can do in marriage that will turn us toward one another and build a stronger marriage. As we follow these and other examples in the scriptures, our hearts will be “knit together in unity and love towards one another” (Mosiah 18:21).


(Mormon.org)

I know that as we search the scriptures for principles that will strengthen our relationships, we will find a treasure trove of examples that we can follow. As we liken the scriptures to ourselves and act on our inspiration and knowledge, we will have the help of the Lord. He is our best hope for having a happy marriage and family.

Works Cited

Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books, 2015, p. 87.

Griffiths, W. (n.d.).  Posts [Pinterest page].  Retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/7740630587668361/

Mormon.org. Husband And Wife Reading Scriptures. 2015, https://www.mormon.org/blog/45-scriptures-that-mention-love. Accessed 22 Feb 2019.

Smith, Barbara B. “A Safe Place For Marriages And Families”. Lds.Org, 1981, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1981/11/a-safe-place-for-marriages-and-families?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Feb 2019.

Messages from the Story of Adam and Eve

Messages from the Story of Adam and Eve

by Andrea ♥ 1 Comment

“Lamentation” is a poem written by Arta Romney Baliff. The poem is written from the perspective of Eve and how she “traded the fruit of the garden for the fruit of [her] body” (Baliff). She expresses her love for her children as she teaches them about God and the wonders of His creation. Suddenly, her joy turns into immense sorrow as she hears about Abel’s murder and Cain’s banishment. Her heart is broken, and she begins her lament over the loss of her sons. As I read Baliff’s interpretation of Eve’s grief, I felt her deep sorrow too. Any mother who loves her children with all of her heart would mourn along with Eve as she loses both Cain and Abel.

There are many lessons that we can learn from the story of Adam and Eve. Following, are just a few of the messages that I took from their story and how you and I can apply these lessons in our own lives and families.

A Message of Sacrifice

One of the commandments that Adam received from the Lord after his banishment from the Garden of Eden was to offer animal sacrifice (Moses 5:5). This sacrifice was symbolic of the atonement of Jesus Christ—who gave his life to atone for the sins of all mankind. In our day, we have been commanded to be a living sacrifice to the Lord (Romans 12:1).  We do this by giving our whole souls, both spirit and body, to the Lord as a token of our love for Him.

This commandment of sacrifice reaches every aspect of our lives, including that of a spouse and a parent. As a mother, I have sacrificed my body, my heart, and all that I have to raise godly children. As I put their needs before my own, they too learn the principle of sacrifice. In marriage, it’s no different. We don’t just lay a portion of our bodies upon the altar of sacrifice, we give our spouse all that we have. How much we sacrifice for our spouse and children is symbolic of our love for the Lord. If we don’t give all that we have to our family, then we are holding back from the Lord too.

A Message of Seeing the Good

As Adam and Eve progressed, they saw how abundantly the Lord had blessed them. They praised God for His goodness and mercy. They understood that their expulsion from the garden was for their benefit and that their sorrows were only for a moment. They saw the good that would come from their trials and tribulations. They understood their eternal potential.

We too can see the good in all things if we love and serve God with all of our heart. We will look past the faults of our spouses. We will see the possibilities and goodness in our children. We won’t dwell on faults and trivial weaknesses, but will instead say and do things to build our family members up and help them see their divine potential. In turn, our love for God and our family will increase.

A Message of Unconditional Love

Baliff’s Eve is a woman who loves her children unconditionally. As she hears of Abel’s murder and Cain’s betrayal, she mourns for the loss of both sons. She wonders how her son Cain is the person responsible for death of Abel. After Cain is banished, she worries about his well-being and his happiness. The love she has for both of her sons is evident in her mournful expressions.

Adam and Eve loved God with all of their hearts and were obedient to His commandments. Their love for one another and their love for their children was proportionate to their love for God. 

How willing we are to sacrifice for our Father in Heaven; how willing we are to see the blessings that God gives us; and how unconditional our love is for God, is proportional to how we willing we are to do the same for our families. If we look to Adam and Eve as our examples of a son and daughter of God, as married partners, and as parents, we see that their first priority was their love and obedience to God.

If we love God with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength, then we will be able to show that same type of love to our spouses and our children. That kind of love comes from sacrifice. It’s demonstrated as we acknowledge the blessings God has given us and as we look for the good in our family members. It slowly develops into the pure love of Christ as we faithfully continue to love and obey God and serve our family.  

I know that as we demonstrate our love to God through our obedience and sacrifice, He will bestow upon us an ability to love our families more fully. I also know that as we develop this love, our family will be strengthened by it. 

Works Cited

Baliff, Arta Romney. “Lamentation.” Covenant Hearts: Why Marriage Matters and How to Make It Last, by Bruce C. Hafen, Deseret Book, 2013, pp. 67–70.

Putting off the Natural Man

Putting off the Natural Man

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Not every marriage or relationship is fixable. My own can attest to that. But the principles that lead men to salvation and which keep individuals happy, are true for everyone. As my marriage started to crumble, I looked to God for help. I knew that I would find strength through the atonement of Jesus Christ, and I knew that I could change and “[put] off the natural man” as King Benjamin describes in the book of Mosiah (3:19).

King Benjamin teaches that we must be humble and become as children to receive grace through the atonement. One day, as I was staggering under the weight of resentment that I felt towards a man who refused to keep his covenants and stay true to his marital vows, I felt a strong desire to be more obedient. As I pursued this attribute, the Lord worked on my heart. He slowly chipped away at those negative feelings and filled me up with hope and peace.

Forgiveness came too. It’s harder to explain how this happened, because it came to me in an instant as a spiritual gift from God. I did nothing to earn it. Sure, I was striving for obedience and staying true to my covenants, but it was a miracle that came at one of the worst moments in my life. Forgiveness fills our whole souls with love and light because it is made possible through the atonement. As we struggle in marriages or other relationships, we must find a place for forgiveness in our hearts. It’s the only way we will be truly happy.

Being submissive is something we must do to receive the benefits of the atonement, but it too is a gift endowed through the grace of God. As Elder Neil A. Maxwell explains, “Spiritual submissiveness is so much more than bended knee or bowed head” (Maxwell). Although beginning with “bended knee” is necessary, as we attune ourselves to the Spirit and follow His promptings, we begin a journey of being and becoming more submissive to God’s will.

Another point Elder Maxwell makes is that, “The submissive soul will be led aright, enduring some things well while being anxiously engaged in setting other things right—all the time discerning the difference” (Maxwell). As we exercise this attribute in our relationships, it will strengthen them. Whether it’s apologizing or forgiving, our hearts are in tune with God and we do what it takes to make amends.

Near the end of my marriage, I felt the Lord needed me to do my very best. So, I did. Although I ended up divorced, I still learned the value of turning myself over to God and allowing the power of atonement to change my heart. I came out strengthened, renewed, and full of hope.

As we apply these principles, we will strengthen our relationships because each time we “[put] off the natural man,” we become more like the Savior. As our hearts change, we become more humble and see our faults; we seek for and demonstrate forgiveness towards our loved ones; and we follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and do God’s will.

Regardless of our relationship status, eternal principles apply to us individually. Can you imagine the power in a relationship if both spouses turn their hearts over to God and seek to follow His will by “[putting] off the natural man?” I know that as we “yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit,” and “become a saint… as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things,” the promise of salvation is ours. The Lord will save us, help save our marriages, and save our families.

Works Cited

Maxwell, Neil A. “”Willing To Submit””. Lds.Org, 1985, https://www.lds.org/study/general-conference/1985/04/willing-to-submit?lang=eng. Accessed 6 Feb 2019.

An Eternal Perspective on Marriage

An Eternal Perspective on Marriage

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In an address on marriage given by Elder David A. Bednar, he says, “The importance of eternal marriage can be understood only within the context of the Father’s plan of happiness” (Bednar). Regardless of our situation, whether we are single, married, divorced, or widowed, understanding the Father’s plan for us allows us to have faith and belief in eternal marriage.

We lived in the premortal world as a family with our Father and Mother in Heaven. They are our parents. We were spiritually created by them. While there, we learned all that was necessary for us to come to earth. We also learned from our Father about His plan. In order to inherit eternal life with our heavenly parents and to become like them, we needed to come to earth to be tried and tested. Included in that plan was the commandment to marry and have children.

An eternal marriage is available to all of God’s children. He loves us all. He does not exclude any of us from the blessings of eternal life, as long as we accept His gospel and remain faithful to our covenants. Because of this promise, all of God’s children who choose to follow Him, whether in life or death, will have the opportunity to be married for eternity. This is why we perform sealing and other ordinances in the House of the Lord.

Death does not separate us from our loved ones. Jesus Christ brought to pass the possibility of eternal life with God because of His atonement and resurrection. Because of the sealing ordinances in the temples of God, our family ties will last throughout eternity. We will live with and be in the presence of our spouses, children, grandchildren, their spouses, etc.—all of us living in happiness and joy for eternity with our Heavenly Parents.

Although I am divorced, I have faith in God’s plan of happiness. I have made and kept sacred covenants. Covenants made in the house of the Lord are binding and predicated upon the faith and obedience of those who have covenanted with God. As long as we are true and faithful to our covenants, the blessings of eternal life are ours.

Because of this knowledge, I choose to be happy and free from sorrow or resentment. I continue to teach my children about the importance of marriage and family. Additionally, I know that my experiences and how I’ve reacted to them can help other men and women in similar circumstances.

I know that families can be together forever. Understanding the plan of happiness has strengthened my testimony of the importance of eternal marriage and family life. I know that I will not be denied an eternal marriage and will have my family with me after this life even though my former spouse rejected his covenants and the gospel. God’s plan for us truly is one of happiness.

Works Cited

Bednar, David A. “Marriage Is Essential To His Eternal Plan”. Lds.Org, 2006, https://lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng. Accessed 30 Jan 2019.

Marriage – As Commanded by God

Marriage – As Commanded by God

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In June of 2015, The Supreme Court of the United States issued its ruling on same-sex marriage. In ruling that same-sex marriage is lawful, the majority says: “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were” (OBERGEFELL V. HODGES). These principles are certainly true, but what the majority of lawyers on the Supreme Court failed to recognize is that marriage is ordained of God. It’s His institution and He therefore expects all of his sons and daughters to follow His law.

In an address given to BYU students at the August 2014 commencement, President Russel M. Nelson says, “Marriage was not created by human judges or legislators. It was not created by think tanks or by popular vote or by oft-quoted bloggers or by pundits. It was not created by lobbyists. Marriage was created by God!” (Nelson). Marriage between a man and a woman who are lawfully married was instituted in the beginning with Adam and Eve. God has not changed, nor will He change, His law regarding marriage. It is an eternal law with glorious eternal rewards if we live righteously, keep His commandments, and observe all of our covenants.

One of the purposes of marriage is to establish an eternal family. The Proclamation on the Family states, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife” (“The Family: A Proclamation To The World”). If we are blessed with children, then our obligation to them is to teach them the importance of family life and the potential of having their family intact in the world to come. Families can be eternal, but only within the bounds the Lord has set for us while on earth.

Happiness and joy in this life can last forever if we follow God’s laws. In the Book of Mormon, we learn of the term “plan of happiness” from Alma as he describes God’s plan on for us (Alma 42:8,16). This type of happiness transcends death, pain, trials, and tribulations that all families encounter because they turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for direction and peace. The direction that we have received from them regarding marriage is clear. As long as we abide by their precepts, we will be happy and have joy in this life and the life to come.

I see same-sex marriage as an institution that offers little hope after we die. Because marriage is ordained of God, same-sex marriages will be dissolved upon death with no opportunity for that union to continue in the next life. It grieves my heart to know that families established in same-sex unions will not continue. Happiness in this life is nothing compared to the incomprehensible joy that we can have in the next. I want that for all of God’s children.

In the same BYU address, President Nelson says, “Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage” (Nelson). It’s imperative that Christians everywhere, myself included, denounce same-sex marriage as an institution. Note that I mentioned the institution of marriage. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I can be bold in my assertions, but I must show kindness and love to all of God’s children.

Most of the people who will enter into a same-sex relationship and get married have not received the truth. Although I strongly believe that The Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage is wrong and is contrary to God’s law and will, I don’t need to condemn those who make that choice. God has ordained men on earth to be His voice. That’s their responsibility. Instead, I can share God’s plan of happiness with all I come in contact with and allow them to learn and act for themselves. I can be a disciple of Christ and bear testimony of truth.

It’s true that marriage “embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family.” (OBERGEFELL V. HODGES). But the greater truth is “that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” (“The Family: A Proclamation To The World”). I know that families can be together forever if we accept God’s will for us and follow His commandments. It can be difficult. It takes unwavering commitment and willing sacrifice, but the joy that comes from having an eternal family is worth it.

Works Cited

Nelson, Russell M. “Disciples Of Jesus Christ-Defenders Of Marriage”. BYU Speeches, 2014, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/. Accessed 23 Jan 2019.

“The Family: A Proclamation To The World”. Lds.Org, 2019, https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true. Accessed 23 Jan 2019.

The Supreme Court of the United States. OBERGEFELL V. HODGES. 14–556, 2015, p. 33.

The D Word

The D Word

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Family problem

Divorce is not a word a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says comfortably. When the word is uttered in conversation among members, we suddenly don’t know what to say. We’re embarrassed. We don’t understand why or how something like divorce happens among members in our religion, so when it does, we are surprised.

What doesn’t surprise us is how divorce affects families. Paul Amato is a sociology professor at Penn State University who studies marriage, divorce and other issues that affect families. In his publication for the journal The Future of Children, he details how divorce affects children. He compiled years of research and other studies to conclude that: “Children with divorced parents are worse off…on measure of academic success…conduct…psychological well-being…self-esteem, and peer relations…on average. Moreover, children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families” (Amato, 2005).

It’s no wonder then that, in recent years, church leaders have addressed the topic of divorce and its effect on the family. Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke in the May 2007 General Conference about divorce. He says that children who are influenced by divorce can have the distorted view of marriage that it’s a burden. They may avoid marriage or aren’t fully committed to it and run when times get tough (Oaks, 2007).

Addressing the possible outcomes of divorce is depressing—even when it’s necessary to divorce in order to preserve our physical, mental, and/or our emotional health. The effects are lasting—possibly life-long or eternal. What then do we do when faced with the possibility? Elder Oaks says:

Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages… If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony. (Oaks, 2007)

Sometimes the answers to our pleadings are difficult to hear. We may need to repent. We may need to receive counsel. We may need to humble ourselves and see our own contribution to the marital problems. Whatever we may be called upon to do, we need to do it because an eternal marriage is necessary to gain eternal life.

I am a product of divorced parents, and I too am divorced. For children and parents who suffer from the effects of divorce, the atonement of Jesus Christ is the balm that heals all wounds. It quiets the doubts. It fills the heartache and loneliness with peace and the everlasting love of a Savior who intimately knows each of our sorrows and concerns. He will heal and change our hearts so that we can learn from our mistakes, forgive, and leave behind us the things of the past. He will give us hope.

Divorce in the LDS culture may never be a comfortable thing to discuss. Our views on marriage are eternal, so when a family is divided, we mourn. I know from personal experience how devastating the effects of divorce can be. I also know that all of those effects can be mitigated through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ if we put our faith and trust in Him and strive with all of our might to serve Him and keep His commandments.

Works Cited

Amato, Paul R. “The Impact Of Family Formation Change On The Cognitive, Social, And Emotional Well-Being Of The Next Generation”. The Future Of Children, vol 15, no. 2, 2005, pp. 75-96. Johns Hopkins University Press, doi:10.1353/foc.2005.0012.

Oaks, Dallin H. “Divorce”. Lds.Org, 2007, https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng#note4. Accessed 16 Jan 2019.