Divorce is not a word a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says comfortably. When the word is uttered in conversation among members, we suddenly don’t know what to say. We’re embarrassed. We don’t understand why or how something like divorce happens among members in our religion, so when it does, we are surprised.

What doesn’t surprise us is how divorce affects families. Paul Amato is a sociology professor at Penn State University who studies marriage, divorce and other issues that affect families. In his publication for the journal The Future of Children, he details how divorce affects children. He compiled years of research and other studies to conclude that: “Children with divorced parents are worse off…on measure of academic success…conduct…psychological well-being…self-esteem, and peer relations…on average. Moreover, children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families” (Amato, 2005).

It’s no wonder then that, in recent years, church leaders have addressed the topic of divorce and its effect on the family. Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke in the May 2007 General Conference about divorce. He says that children who are influenced by divorce can have the distorted view of marriage that it’s a burden. They may avoid marriage or aren’t fully committed to it and run when times get tough (Oaks, 2007).

Addressing the possible outcomes of divorce is depressing—even when it’s necessary to divorce in order to preserve our physical, mental, and/or our emotional health. The effects are lasting—possibly life-long or eternal. What then do we do when faced with the possibility? Elder Oaks says:

Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages… If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony. (Oaks, 2007)

Sometimes the answers to our pleadings are difficult to hear. We may need to repent. We may need to receive counsel. We may need to humble ourselves and see our own contribution to the marital problems. Whatever we may be called upon to do, we need to do it because an eternal marriage is necessary to gain eternal life.

I am a product of divorced parents, and I too am divorced. For children and parents who suffer from the effects of divorce, the atonement of Jesus Christ is the balm that heals all wounds. It quiets the doubts. It fills the heartache and loneliness with peace and the everlasting love of a Savior who intimately knows each of our sorrows and concerns. He will heal and change our hearts so that we can learn from our mistakes, forgive, and leave behind us the things of the past. He will give us hope.

Divorce in the LDS culture may never be a comfortable thing to discuss. Our views on marriage are eternal, so when a family is divided, we mourn. I know from personal experience how devastating the effects of divorce can be. I also know that all of those effects can be mitigated through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ if we put our faith and trust in Him and strive with all of our might to serve Him and keep His commandments.

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Works Cited

Amato, Paul R. “The Impact Of Family Formation Change On The Cognitive, Social, And Emotional Well-Being Of The Next Generation”. The Future Of Children, vol 15, no. 2, 2005, pp. 75-96. Johns Hopkins University Press, doi:10.1353/foc.2005.0012.

Oaks, Dallin H. “Divorce”. Lds.Org, 2007, https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng#note4. Accessed 16 Jan 2019.