There is a group of people called the Anti-Nephi-Lehies in the Book of Mormon, who after having heard and accepted the gospel, vowed to bury their weapons of war as a symbol of their covenant to follow God. For hundreds of years, these people (formerly the Lamanites) had been at war with the Nephites—blaming them for their circumstances in life and swearing an oath to destroy them. Hearing the word of God softened their hearts (Alma 24:8). Along with the vow to bury their weapons, they also endeavored to repair their relationship with their brethren, the Nephites.

This story illustrates how we can bury our weapons of war in our relationships. By doing so, we commit to give up our criticism, contempt, and other weapons used against our loved ones which only serve to divide us rather than change what may be wrong.

How do we bury these weapons of destruction? In his book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” H. Wallace Goddard quotes President Joseph F. Smith:

“We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better? Isn’t it better not to speak of faults, not to magnify weaknesses by iterating and reiterating them? Isn’t that better? And will not the union that has been cemented between you and the birth of children and by the bond of the new and everlasting covenant, be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and faults one of another? Is it not better to drop them and say nothing about them—bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel, one for another, and thus bury each other’s faults and not magnify them; isn’t that better?” (Goddard)

Throughout his book, Goddard has remained consistent—the key to fixing most problems within the marriage is to fix oneself first. In his chapter on charity, he explains how vital it is that we obtain charity so that our marriage and other relationships survive and thrive.

In the Guide to the Scriptures, we learn that charity is “the love that Christ has for the children of men and that the children of men should have for one another (2 Ne. 26:30; 33:7–9; Ether 12:33–34); the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection” (“Charity”). The Anti-Nephi-Lehies had this type of love for their brethren, the Nephites. Charity is what enabled them to bury their weapons of war.

We can obtain charity as they did, and as Mormon instructs in the Book of Moroni, chapter 7. We start by having faith in Jesus Christ and, through repentance, allow the presence of the Holy Ghost to fill our hearts (vs. 32). As we continue to repent and make changes in our lives, we are filled with hope (vs. 41). Hope in Christ gives us the confidence before God that we need in order to ask Him for the gift of charity (vs. 48). As our hearts are filled with this love, we “[seek] not [our] own” (vs. 45), but the welfare of others.

The amazing thing about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies is that “they were firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end” (Alma 27:27). They buried their weapons of war and never once deviated from their promise. Think about the possibilities of obtaining charity and burying the weapons of fault-finding, criticism, contempt, etc., forever. How would that look in our relationships?

Charity covers a “multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) because we no longer focus on them. I have seen how this principle has changed my relationships with my family members. I’ve noticed that I’m less judgmental and more patient. I have greater empathy and more tolerance. I am more forgiving and kinder. I still have a long way to go. Charity is not something that has been wholly granted to me. Most likely because I have not given my whole self over to God. Yet, I have faith that as I continue to turn my heart over to Him and give up my sins, He will continue to grant a portion of His love to me.

We all can have this type of love in our relationships. As with every good thing, it takes effort on our part to obtain. The wonderful thing about the arithmetic of heaven, is our effort is multiplied by the hundreds because we have Christ on our side. After all, it is through Him that we obtain “every good gift” (Moroni 10:18).

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Works Cited

“Charity”. Lds.Org, 2019, https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/charity?lang=eng&letter=C.

Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, 2007, p. 124.