There’s an interesting postscript at the end of chapter 4 in the book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.” H. Wallace Goddard says, “If, as you read this chapter, you found yourself thinking how much your partner needs it, I encourage you to re-read the chapter with yourself in mind” (Goddard). Much of the chapter teaches how humility and repentance is the cure for pride.

In his historical General Conference address, “Beware of Pride,” President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves” (Benson). This is one of the sins of pride that I struggle with myself. As I look back on my marriage, it would be easy to put the sole blame on my ex-husband’s addictions and infidelities as the reason for the failure of our marriage. But what of my own failures? Surely no one can say that they are completely without blame, regardless of the overarching problems that may cause relationships to fail.

When I was in group counseling with other wives whose spouses grappled with pornography addiction, we learned that playing the victim is as damaging to us as it is to our spouses. It doesn’t matter if we actually are a victim at times, “playing the victim” is a defensive maneuver meant to cast blame on our spouse. In effect, we are saying, “You are to blame for everything, not me.”

In our relationships, we need to thoroughly look at how we are part of the problem. We all have some form of pride carefully concealed within our hearts. If we sincerely go to the Lord for help, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will see “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13). This doesn’t necessarily come as censure or criticism from God. We should not be afraid to have the Lord show us our faults. Rather, it is one of the sincerest displays of love that our Father in Heaven shows us. He is effectively saying to us, “Here’s what I see. Let me help.”

Another form of pride that President Benson speaks of is how the “[prideful] are easily offended and hold grudges” (Benson). For a number of years, I held onto resentment for the things my husband had done. It’s something that I still struggle with every once-in-a-while when old memories resurface, but it’s amazing how the atonement conquers pride.

In the pre-mortal world, our Father in Heaven presented a plan. The plan centered on Jesus Christ and the infinite and eternal atonement He would make for us all. In opposition to Heavenly Father and the Savior, Satan countered the plan with one of his own. His plan put himself above all, including God. Satan’s pride was his eventual downfall.

Resentment is one of the worst forms of pride and damages every relationship we are in. Like the pride of not admitting our own faults, resentment clouds our vision of what is real. To counter resentment, we have to be willing to let go. More importantly, we need the grace of the atonement to clear up our perspective. When we have repented of this form of pride, we begin to see the good in others. Once again, we see things as they really are.

 “The central feature of pride,” says President Benson, “is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowman. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us” (Benson). Which family member, friend, fellow ward member, or co-worker do we feel enmity towards? If this is the power with which Satan would rule over us, then why do we persist in being like Satan? That may sound harsh, but we are in direct opposition to God when we have enmity towards anyone.

What does enmity look like? Let’s instead look at the antonyms of enmity: friendship, goodwill, kindness, love, respect, sweetness, approval, affinity, sympathy, etc. (“enmity”). If any of these are lacking in our relationships, then we might look at enmity for being the reason. To overcome enmity, we must be humble and repent.

In response to Satan’s intrusion in the Garden of Eden, God said he would place enmity (meaning Jesus Christ) between Satan and the seed of the woman (Adam and Eve and their posterity) (Moses 4:21). As we turn towards Jesus Christ, through the grace of His atonement, our hearts will be softened and His cleansing power will remove enmity from our souls. The Savior is key to us being able to repair our relationships because of pride.

Pride is the root cause of the damage that we inflict in any of our relationships. It doesn’t matter if the other person may have done something wrong or has offended us or if we are the instigator, we all have pride and we all must overcome it.

I testify that humility and repentance are key to ridding ourselves of pride. Once I recognized my own sins and sought relief, the power of the Savior’s atonement had an effect on me. My heart was softened and mended and my outlook changed. Although my journey through the repentance process didn’t repair my marriage, it transformed me and gave me so much hope for a better life to come.

As I continue to repent, the Lord continues to show me where I have pride. As I accept His loving admonitions, The Holy Spirit cleanses and sanctifies me. Pride can be our downfall, but recognizing that we have pride can lead us closer to our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ if we humbly seek Them.

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Works Cited

Benson, Ezra Taft. “Beware Of Pride”. Lds.Org, 1989, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng. Accessed 27 Feb 2019.

“enmity.” Thesaurus.com. 2013. https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/enmity. 27 Feb 2019.

Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, 2007, p. 84.