Tag: marriage

God’s Plan for Marriage and Families

God’s Plan for Marriage and Families

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Proclamation on the Family states that, “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.” [i] There is a lot of confusion in the world today about that edict. People, families, communities, and governments have rejected God’s plan for families and have pursued their own definitions of what marriage and family are. Nevertheless, this law is immutable. It will not change because God is an eternal and unchangeable being (Moroni 8:18).

There are many people in the world who do not like the fact that our doctrine will not change. That includes some people of our own faith. They see our stance against same-sex marriage as cruel and discriminatory, but what they fail to understand is that Jesus Christ is at the helm. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church in the modern day. The God of this world and the world to come has created boundaries that families must live by in order to return to Him. Families can be together forever, but only if they accept God’s plan for them. As members of His church, we have committed to stand with God and to support only lawful marriage between a man and a woman.

Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well-being of society. Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and crucial to eternal salvation. Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. [ii]

As parents, it’s our responsibility to teach this to our children from a young age. We must help them understand the Plan of Happiness and the doctrine related to eternal marriage. When they not only understand God’s plan for us, but also have a testimony of it, then they will be able to withstand the barbs that are being thrown by those who are persecuting us for our beliefs. They will also be able to testify of what they know to be true.

I know that if we follow God’s plan, we can obtain the happiness we long for. He loves all of His children. If we seek to know His will for us, He will give us the strength we need to make correct choices and abide by His precepts. I know that families can be forever if we keep our covenants and live His law.

[i] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Nov. 1995, http://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng. Accessed 15 Jul 2019.

[ii] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/same-sex-marriage?lang=eng

Saving a Marriage

Saving a Marriage

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Divorce among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not as common as it is among the rest of the general population of the United States, but it is still common enough that prophets and apostles have counseled on it. It’s estimated that, “25 to 30 percent of Latter-day Saint couples who regularly attend Church experience a divorce (Heaton, Bahr, & Jacobson, 2004).” [i]

Separate Couple

There are legitimate reasons for spouses divorcing, but even then, the brethren counsel husbands and wives to do everything possible before divorce so that there is no doubt that one can say, “I did everything possible to save my marriage.” The following counsel to married couples contemplating divorce comes from Elder Dallin H. Oaks during the April 2007 General Conference:

“I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation.” [ii]

This means that we must look to our own hearts first before we consider taking a step that will inevitably bring pain. The suffering that you may be feeling now will not be easily left behind you after divorce. There are short term and long-term consequences that you may have to deal with after a divorce. Counsel with your Bishop. Pray to Heavenly Father for His counsel, and seek the advice of trusted family members. Take measure of your own shortcomings and decide to make changes in your life. You may find that your heart and perspective have changed during this process.

This counsel does not mean that you must stay in a marriage that causes physical, mental, or spiritual harm. Any type of abuse cannot be tolerated. Nevertheless, these measures will strengthen you as an individual and you will find that you will be able to hear the whisperings of the Spirit as it guides you to a resolution.

Couple Heart

Elder Oaks also counsels couples to do everything they can to save their marriage. Couples must work together to preserve what they have established and have covenanted to maintain. Each must give all of themselves to one another and put the other first. He mentions being “kind and considerate” and “always seeking to make each other happy.” [iii]

Another thing that he counsels spouses to do is to put behind past offenses. Bringing up past wrongs and disappointments and placing blame do nothing to preserve the marriage. On the contrary, they damage the relationship and cause alienation. Put the past behind you. Forgive and move on.

Couple Praying

Elder Oaks directs that kneeling in prayer with one another and bringing their issues to the Lord can bring the Spirit into your relationship. The power of the atonement can heal anything and anyone. In addition, your heart will be softened, and you will begin to see ways to help save your relationship. Other advice includes counseling with your Bishop and having hope.

As someone who is divorced, I can say that I tried my best to save my marriage with someone who has serious addiction problems. I was guided by the Spirit and felt my course to be the correct one even though I stayed a very long time in that situation. Nevertheless, it’s difficult because the effects will last a life-time. I know that marriage is sacred and should be valued above all other institutions. My hope is that troubled marriages will survive because the fruits of marriage can be sweet.

[i] Heaton, T. B., Bahr, S. J., & Jacobson, C. K. (2004). A statistical profile of Mormons: Health, wealth, and social life. Lewiston, NY: Edwin Mellen Press. As cited in Hawkins, A. J., & Fackrell, T. A. (2016). Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out: Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 79-87). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

[ii] Oaks, D. H. (2007, April). Divorce. Retrieved July 12, 2019, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng&query=internet

[iii] Ibid.

Couple Prayer

Couple Prayer

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Proclamation states that prayer is one of the principles that “successful marriages” are built upon.[i] When couples pray together, they create a unique relationship between them and God. In the June 2006 Ensign, Elder Bednar illustrates a principle that a marital relationship with Christ at the apex of a triangle and the husband and wife at the other corners builds greater love and happiness as husband and wives move closer to Christ.[ii] The same concept is true if we instead place our Father in Heaven at the apex. As couples pray together, they grow closer to one another as they move closer to God through prayer.

I asked my daughter, who is married, what she thought was one of the greatest benefits of couple prayer. She mentioned the very triangle cited above. When she and her husband pray together, she feels closer to him and to the Lord.

In addition, there is evidence which supports the notion that couples who pray for one another see their marriages as sacred.[iii] “[Viewing] the relationship in this way can be a protective factor, buffering the marriage against certain challenges (such as infidelity) that can diminish or destroy a marriage.”[iv] This is significant when we think about the challenges that many marriages face today. It’s estimated that 55% of marriages which end in divorce, do so because of infidelity.[v] Among Latter-day Saint marriages, the statistic is only slightly lower at 48%. [vi]

Elder Dallin H. Oaks[vii] teaches why prayer can serve as protective factor. He counsels:

If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.

More notably, past and present church prophets and apostles have admonished couples to pray together for a variety of reasons:

President Spencer W. Kimball talked about several principles, including couple prayer, which bring happiness. He said, “Happiness is at its pinnacle when husbands and wives … love the Lord more than their own lives.” [viii]

President Russell M. Nelson taught, “Good communication is also enhanced by prayer. To pray with specific mention of a spouse’s good deed (or need) nurtures a marriage.”[ix]

Another prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “I know of no single practice that will have a more salutary effect upon your lives than the practice of kneeling together as you begin and close each day. Somehow the little storms that seem to afflict every marriage are dissipated when, kneeling before the Lord, you thank him for one another, in the presence of one another, and then together invoke his blessings upon your lives, your home, your loved ones, and your dreams.”[x]

Finally, Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” The verses previous to this one says, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow” (vs. 9-10). What better way is there than to lift one another up through prayer?

We walk hand in hand with God through the perils of life when we place him at the center of our marriages. When one spouse stumbles, the other is there, but so is our Father in Heaven. His added strength to our marriages will bring us more happiness, better communication, and greater protection as we strive for greater satisfaction and success.

[i] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, November). Retrieved May 25, 2019, from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

[ii] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng

[iii] Lambert, N. M. (2016). Sanctification and Cooperation: How Prayer Helps Strengthen Relationships in Good Times and Heal Relationships in Bad Times. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 196-200). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

[iv] Ibid.

[v] Hawkins, A. J., & Fackrell, T. A. (2016). Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out: Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 79-87). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

[vi] http://www.ldsliving.com/The-LDS-Divorce-Experience/s/82123

[vii] Oaks, D. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Ensign,37, 36-38. In Lambert, pg. 197.

[viii] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/building-an-eternal-marriage-teacher-manual/spirituality-in-marriage?lang=eng

[ix] Nelson, R. S. (2006, May). Nurturing marriage. Ensign, 36, 36-38. In Lambert, pg. 198.

[x] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1971/06/except-the-lord-build-the-house?lang=eng

Tools of Our Faith

Tools of Our Faith

by Andrea ♥ 1 Comment

There is a chapter in the book I’m reading, “Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives,” which discusses the impact that faith has on marriage and families. Although there have been many studies conducted in which religious faith is measured against health, family life, marriage, etc., the text says it’s difficult to prove that faith has any real measure on the success of family life.[i] Yet, the text concludes that, “Evidence suggests that shared faith appears to be a principle upon which “successful marriages and families are established and maintained.”[ii] As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we don’t need proof to know that the active exercise of our faith helps our families and marriages survive the storms of life.

In Elder Richard G. Scott’s October 2014 General Conference address, he explains how prayer, scripture study, family home evening, and temple attendance will help us “endure every temptation, every heartache, [and] every challenge we face.”[iii]  He calls each of these actions, tools which will help us with our challenges.

churchofjesuschrist.org

Prayer

He counsels parents to “help safeguard your children by arming them morning and night with the power of family prayer.” Prayer brings us closer to each member of the Godhead. As we exercise our faith through prayer, we receive help from them. Praying daily as individuals, couples, and families will strengthen our bonds with our Father in Heaven and with one another.

Scripture Study

Elder Scott says “If you want your children to recognize, understand, and act on the promptings of the Spirit, you must study the scriptures with them.” The same admonition applies to individuals and couples. From personal experience, my prayers are often answered while I read my scriptures. The answers don’t always come straight from the verses themselves, but because I have placed myself in the position to be fed by the Spirit, I am more open to inspiration during that time.

Family Home Evening

During this summer, I have been having FHE with my daughter and son-in-law each week. My daughter is living with me while my son-in-law is in another state for an internship. Even though FHE is conducted over the internet, it has been a faith-filled experience. I have no doubt that my daughter and son-in-law are being blessed while they are being faithful to God’s commands.

Temple Attendance

The temple is a sanctuary from the world. The power that we have received from our covenants fortifies us against the adversary and whatever may be thrust upon as we dwell in mortality. It’s necessary that we attend often so that we remember those covenants and so that we are continually strengthened. We may not be able to attend the temple with all of our family members, but they too will be blessed as we exercise our faith by going to the temple often.

I know that there is power in each of these tools. I testify that Elder Scott’s promise to us is true. Our marriages and families will be able to endure all of the trials, temptations, and heartaches we may be faced with if we act upon our faith and use the tools of prayer, scripture study, FHE, and temple attendance to strengthen us.

[i] Marks, L. D., Dollahite, D. C., & Freeman, J. J. (2016). Faith in Family Life. In Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (pp. 185-193). Provo, UT: Brigham Young University.

[ii] Ibid.

[iii] https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2014/10/make-the-exercise-of-faith-your-first-priority?lang=eng

Covenant Obligations and Happiness in Marriage

Covenant Obligations and Happiness in Marriage

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This semester, I’m studying the family and how, “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” supports the idea of stable, loving, and eternal marriages and families. The textbook which accompanies this class promotes the principles outlined in the Proclamation and teaches us how to implement them into our marriages and families.

This week in our readings, I came across a statement that I felt compelled to write about:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World” declares that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God”, (¶ 1). and that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” (¶ 6). Furthermore, it emphasizes that “marriage . . . is essential to His eternal plan” (¶ 7). These statements make clear that marriage is a purposeful, divinely created relationship, not merely a social custom, and that couples have God-given covenant obligations to one another.[i]

Some of those obligations or covenants are outlined in the Proclamation as principles to live by: “faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”[ii] Also included among them is complete fidelity in marriage. When families practice these principles, they are ensured the possibility of greater happiness. President Spencer W. Kimball explains that happiness “comes from within” and is “earned.” [iii] Therefore, it is safe to say that happiness in family life is earned by living the principles taught in the Proclamation.

As you read the principles outline above, think about how they pertain to your marriage and family. Ask yourself questions such as, “How are we showing our faith in God?” “Do we pray together morning and at night?” “In our prayers, are we thanking God for one another?” “Do I forgive my husband/wife?” “Do I recognize my faults and ask for forgiveness?” As you take time to contemplate how these principles might apply to your relationships, you will see how living them more fully will bring you greater happiness.

I know that living each of these principles is a covenant obligation that we have with God and with our spouse and children. I promise that when you incorporate them into your marriage, you will be more fulfilled and happier.

[i] Hawkins, Alan J., et al. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Brigham Young University, 2016.

[ii] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, November). Retrieved May 18, 2019, from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

[iii] Kimball, S. W. (2002, October). Gospel Classics: Oneness in Marriage. Retrieved May 18, 2019, from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2002/10/oneness-in-marriage?lang=eng

Becoming the Type of Person You Want to Marry

Becoming the Type of Person You Want to Marry

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Before my daughter, Elizabeth, came home from her mission, I wrote a blog post entitled, “An Open Letter to my Daughter about Dating and Temple Marriage.” Having recently separated from my then husband who had left the church, I was concerned about the type of young men she would date when she came home. In the letter to my daughter, I detailed some important attributes that she should look for in an eternal companion. My hope was that she would make good choices and find a young man who was committed to God, to her, and to the church. About a year and half later, she entered into the House of the Lord to be sealed to a wonderful young man who is loved by our whole family. As I have furthered my studies about marriage and family life, I understand better the need to not only search for those attributes that a potential eternal companion should have, but the need to attain them before the search begins.

In the book, “Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives,” author Jason S. Carroll, outlines two approaches to dating and marriage: The “finding Mr/Mrs. Right approach” and the “becoming approach.”[i] He references Elder David A. Bednar and his passionate response to the first:

As we visit with young adults all over the Church, often they will ask, “Well, what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse?” As though they have some checklist of, “I need to find someone who has these three, or four, or five things. “And I rather forcefully say to them, “You are so arrogant to think that you are some catch and that you want someone else who has these five things for you! If you found somebody who had these three or four or five characteristics that you’re looking for, what makes you think they’d want to marry you?” The “list” is not for evaluating someone else—the list is for you and what you I need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that [you] hope to find in an eternal companion, then those are the three things [you] ought to be working to become. Then [you] will be attractive to someone who has those things. … You are not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You become what you hope your spouse will be and you’ll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.[ii]

If you want to marry someone who has a deep love and commitment to God and puts Him first in their lives, do you do the same? Some things you might want to do to become that type of person is to pray and study your scriptures daily. Being obedient to the commandments and following the prophet are a couple more things a committed and faithful servant would do. Ponder on the characteristics of this person and commit yourself to being them.

Do you want someone who will work hard and provide and care for your family? What are you doing now to be someone who does that? Do you do your best in school or at your current job? Do you help your family with chores or work around the home? Do you faithfully serve and magnify your calling? Do you minister to those in need and to those you are assigned? All of these things can be attributed to someone who works hard and cares for others.

Do you want to date and marry someone free from the addictions of pornography and substance abuse that plague the world? Are you watching, listening to, or reading materials that might harm your spirit? Are you keeping yourself away from substances that are addictive?

Think about what Elder Bednar says the next time you are prompted to make a list of the qualities you want in a husband/wife. For each characteristic that you come up with, determine if you have acquired that characteristic and how its application works in your life . If there are some things that you need to work on, create a plan (goal) to make the necessary changes.

As you prepare for the future and become the type of person you see yourself marrying, you will have peace in your heart that you are becoming what someone else needs and wants. And when you finally succeed in finding that someone, you will have joy knowing that you are equally yoked—both prepared for the happiness that is possible for those who follow the teachings of the Savior Jesus Christ. [iii]

[i] Hawkins, Alan J., et al. Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Brigham Young University, 2016.

[ii] Bednar, D. A. (2009). Mormon Channel, Conversations, Episode ow. Retrieved from http://radio.lds .org/eng/programs/conversations-episode-I

[iii] The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, November). Retrieved June 9, 2019, from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

In-law Relationships

In-law Relationships

by Andrea ♥ 1 Comment

Good relations with in-laws are important for a successful marriage. One startling statistic related to in-law relations is that, “… 80 percent of couples in failed marriages had not gained the approval or support of parents to marry.”[i] Yet, blame cannot be solely placed upon the parents. When a couple marries, both the couple and the in-laws need to do all that they can to create a good in-law relationship so that the marriage can thrive.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Mothers and fathers need to allow the couple space so that their marriage can be strong. Mothers can do this by not meddling in the relationship. Fathers can let go of the need for control. Both mother and father should not interfere in their child’s and spouse’s decisions—even if they have given counsel and the couple decides not to follow it. There are myriad ways that mothers and fathers interfere in their children’s marriages, but doing so goes against the counsel of the Lord.

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other…”[ii] Young couples can be part of the problem too. Depending upon parents too much for advice and counsel can hinder their own ability to receive revelation for themselves. Going to mom and dad when there are difficulties in the marriage, rather than dealing with it as a couple, can also create problems. Being a mediator between one’s spouse and parents puts a strain on the relationships.[iii] Not cleaving unto one’s spouse can put a strain on both the marital relationship and the in-law relationship.

When there are strained relationships, prayer and patience can make a difference. When I was newly married, I didn’t have the best relationship with my in-laws. Because it was so long ago, I can’t remember why I didn’t like going to their house or spending time with them, but it weighed on me. I decided that I needed to do something about it, so I started fasting and praying for them and for my heart to change. After about a year of fasting and praying, my heart softened. Over the course of my marriage, there were sometimes other things that came up to put a strain on the relationship, but they were always things that I could eventually overlook. Even though I am divorced now, I still love my former in-laws.

Many things can contribute to tension in relationships, but I believe our hearts are the ones that need to change. We don’t have control over what other people do, but we do have control over how we relate to others. My experience with my former in-laws helped me understand that I can make a difference if I have a change of heart. I am fortunate to have good relationships with my daughters-in-law and my son-in-law. I love them like my own children, and hope that they love me as much in return.  

[i] G. C. Horsley (1997), The In-law Survival Manual: A Guide to Cultivating Healthy In-law Relationships (New York: John Wiley &: Sons).

[ii] “The Family: A Proclamation To The World”. 1995, p. 102.

[iii] James M. Harper, S. F. (2005). Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families. In S. F. James M. Harper, Helping and Healing Our Families (p. Chapter 37). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.

Fidelity

Fidelity

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s probably no surprise that I have chosen to write about fidelity since the absence of it is what ruined my marriage. But rather than talk about the lack of fidelity, I’d like to focus on the blessings that fidelity brings to marriage.

In an article entitled, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” President Ezra Taft Benson says, “Fidelity to one’s marriage vows is absolutely essential for love, trust, and peace” (Benson). Without fidelity, we know that those elements in marriage are destroyed—sometimes never to return. Yet, most marriages survive and thrive because spouses are faithful to one another. We know that other problems exist in marriage, but when there is love, trust and peace, those problems can be overcome.

Fidelity increases our ability to love. In an April 2013 General Conference address, Elder David A. Bednar says:

“Alma counseled his son Shiblon to “bridle all [of his] passions, that [he] may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). Significantly, disciplining the natural man in each of us makes possible a richer, a deeper, and a more enduring love of God and of His children. Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence.”

As we keep our covenants and remain chaste and pure, our love grows. Along with an increase in love, our trust in one another builds.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (Proverbs 31:10-11). Elder James E. Faust said, “Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest enriching factors in marriage” (Faust). Our fidelity produces trust, which enhances our relationships. When we trust one another, we can safely share our thoughts and dreams with each other because our vulnerability is protected. It’s a beautiful thing to create and have trust in marriage.

Peace is another outcome of fidelity. Peace is something that we feel in our souls. It’s the calm assurance that all is well. The beautiful thing about peace is that it can be felt even in the midst of tragedy and upheaval. Peace in marriage is sustained and increased as we keep the commandments and honor our covenants.

Love, trust, and peace are just a few of the results that fidelity can bring to a marriage, yet for many, they are some of the most important aspects in a relationship. I know what it feels like to lose them, but I also know that they can be rebuilt—with or without a partner. The key to rebuilding anything that is lost is faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have hope that someday I will have a relationship that is founded on these principles. Until then, I have love, trust, and peace in my relationship with God—built upon fidelity to Him.

Works Cited

Bednar, David A. “We Believe In Being Chaste”. Lds.Org, 2013, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/we-believe-in-being-chaste?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Benson, Ezra Taft. “Salvation—A Family Affair”. Lds.Org, 1992, https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/1992/11/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Faust, James E. “The Enriching Of Marriage”. Lds.Org, 1977, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1977/11/the-enriching-of-marriage?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Marriage: Burying Our Weapons of War

Marriage: Burying Our Weapons of War

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Anti-Nephi-Lehies Burying Their Swords

There is a group of people called the Anti-Nephi-Lehies in the Book of Mormon, who after having heard and accepted the gospel, vowed to bury their weapons of war as a symbol of their covenant to follow God. For hundreds of years, these people (formerly the Lamanites) had been at war with the Nephites—blaming them for their circumstances in life and swearing an oath to destroy them. Hearing the word of God softened their hearts (Alma 24:8). Along with the vow to bury their weapons, they also endeavored to repair their relationship with their brethren, the Nephites.

This story illustrates how we can bury our weapons of war in our relationships. By doing so, we commit to give up our criticism, contempt, and other weapons used against our loved ones which only serve to divide us rather than change what may be wrong.

How do we bury these weapons of destruction? In his book, “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage,” H. Wallace Goddard quotes President Joseph F. Smith:

“We all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better? Isn’t it better not to speak of faults, not to magnify weaknesses by iterating and reiterating them? Isn’t that better? And will not the union that has been cemented between you and the birth of children and by the bond of the new and everlasting covenant, be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and faults one of another? Is it not better to drop them and say nothing about them—bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel, one for another, and thus bury each other’s faults and not magnify them; isn’t that better?” (Goddard)

Throughout his book, Goddard has remained consistent—the key to fixing most problems within the marriage is to fix oneself first. In his chapter on charity, he explains how vital it is that we obtain charity so that our marriage and other relationships survive and thrive.

In the Guide to the Scriptures, we learn that charity is “the love that Christ has for the children of men and that the children of men should have for one another (2 Ne. 26:30; 33:7–9; Ether 12:33–34); the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection” (“Charity”). The Anti-Nephi-Lehies had this type of love for their brethren, the Nephites. Charity is what enabled them to bury their weapons of war.

We can obtain charity as they did, and as Mormon instructs in the Book of Moroni, chapter 7. We start by having faith in Jesus Christ and, through repentance, allow the presence of the Holy Ghost to fill our hearts (vs. 32). As we continue to repent and make changes in our lives, we are filled with hope (vs. 41). Hope in Christ gives us the confidence before God that we need in order to ask Him for the gift of charity (vs. 48). As our hearts are filled with this love, we “[seek] not [our] own” (vs. 45), but the welfare of others.

The amazing thing about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies is that “they were firm in the faith of Christ, even unto the end” (Alma 27:27). They buried their weapons of war and never once deviated from their promise. Think about the possibilities of obtaining charity and burying the weapons of fault-finding, criticism, contempt, etc., forever. How would that look in our relationships?

Charity covers a “multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) because we no longer focus on them. I have seen how this principle has changed my relationships with my family members. I’ve noticed that I’m less judgmental and more patient. I have greater empathy and more tolerance. I am more forgiving and kinder. I still have a long way to go. Charity is not something that has been wholly granted to me. Most likely because I have not given my whole self over to God. Yet, I have faith that as I continue to turn my heart over to Him and give up my sins, He will continue to grant a portion of His love to me.

We all can have this type of love in our relationships. As with every good thing, it takes effort on our part to obtain. The wonderful thing about the arithmetic of heaven, is our effort is multiplied by the hundreds because we have Christ on our side. After all, it is through Him that we obtain “every good gift” (Moroni 10:18).

Works Cited

“Charity”. Lds.Org, 2019, https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/charity?lang=eng&letter=C.

Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing, 2007, p. 124.

The Miracle of Forgiveness

The Miracle of Forgiveness

by Andrea ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Rippled Water

“Tranquility to the soul” (Holland). That’s what forgiveness and reconciliation brings according to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in a recent General Conference address. In the scriptures, Paul talks of the “peace of God, which passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). This feeling, similar to “tranquility of the soul,” is something that comes through being able to forgive others and reconcile our hearts with them.

Why is forgiveness necessary? Foremost, it is a commandment: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). The promise we receive in return for forgiving others, is that we will be forgiven of our sins. We should think hard on that thought. When we withhold our forgiveness, because it is a choice to forgive or not, then the Lord will withhold His forgiveness to us.

Secondly, forgiveness heals our hearts. Think about the feelings that precede forgiveness: resentment, bitterness, hate, envy, blame, justification, etc. These feelings are toxic to our souls. In an April 2007 General Conference address, Elder James E. Faust mentioned a few benefits of forgiveness in his address which were mentioned in scientific studies. Those benefits include, “a higher level of self-esteem and well-being” (Faust). Meaning that people become, “less angry, more hopeful, less depressed, less anxious and less stressed” when they learn to forgive (Faust). When we forgive others, our souls are rid of those toxic feelings. Through the healing power of the atonement, we are filled with peace, love, kindness, and empathy.

Third, forgiveness can bring reconciliation. It was possible for my marriage to heal—even after all that had been done to nearly destroy it. Forgiveness may not heal all relationships, but it’s possible to reconcile completely even when there have been long-standing disagreements or extreme hurt.

Temple House Gallery

I wrote about my failed marriage in my last blog post. Over the course of my marriage, I had to the learn the lesson on forgiveness over and over again as infidelities and addictions came to light several times. It wasn’t always easy, and at one point, the pain, suffering, and resentment built up to unmanageable levels. It was at this time of harboring long-held resentment towards my husband, that I remember the intense feeling of it being washed away as I gained the capacity to forgive my ex. Through the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, an overpowering sense of peace came over me. A miracle had taken place in my life. Not only did I feel the tranquility that Elder Holland speaks of, but I knew my sins had been forgiven too. My whole soul was cleansed and sanctified.

Today, I know that I can turn to God as soon as ill feelings towards another comes into my mind and heart. I know that He will hear my plea for help and that the atonement will bring peace again when I repent of those feelings. I know that forgiveness is a powerful tool that we can wield with the help of God. I am so grateful for this gift and for the abundant blessings that I have received in my life because I have been willing to forgive.

Works Cited

Faust, James E. “The Healing Power Of Forgiveness”. Lds.Org, 2007, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/the-healing-power-of-forgiveness?lang=eng. Accessed 6 Mar 2019.

Holland, Jeffrey R. “The Ministry Of Reconciliation”. Lds.Org, 2018, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/the-ministry-of-reconciliation?lang=eng. Accessed 6 Mar 2019.