trust – Forever And A Day

It’s probably no surprise that I have chosen to write about fidelity since the absence of it is what ruined my marriage. But rather than talk about the lack of fidelity, I’d like to focus on the blessings that fidelity brings to marriage.

In an article entitled, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” President Ezra Taft Benson says, “Fidelity to one’s marriage vows is absolutely essential for love, trust, and peace” (Benson). Without fidelity, we know that those elements in marriage are destroyed—sometimes never to return. Yet, most marriages survive and thrive because spouses are faithful to one another. We know that other problems exist in marriage, but when there is love, trust and peace, those problems can be overcome.

Fidelity increases our ability to love. In an April 2013 General Conference address, Elder David A. Bednar says:

“Alma counseled his son Shiblon to “bridle all [of his] passions, that [he] may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). Significantly, disciplining the natural man in each of us makes possible a richer, a deeper, and a more enduring love of God and of His children. Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence.”

As we keep our covenants and remain chaste and pure, our love grows. Along with an increase in love, our trust in one another builds.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (Proverbs 31:10-11). Elder James E. Faust said, “Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest enriching factors in marriage” (Faust). Our fidelity produces trust, which enhances our relationships. When we trust one another, we can safely share our thoughts and dreams with each other because our vulnerability is protected. It’s a beautiful thing to create and have trust in marriage.

Peace is another outcome of fidelity. Peace is something that we feel in our souls. It’s the calm assurance that all is well. The beautiful thing about peace is that it can be felt even in the midst of tragedy and upheaval. Peace in marriage is sustained and increased as we keep the commandments and honor our covenants.

Love, trust, and peace are just a few of the results that fidelity can bring to a marriage, yet for many, they are some of the most important aspects in a relationship. I know what it feels like to lose them, but I also know that they can be rebuilt—with or without a partner. The key to rebuilding anything that is lost is faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ. I have hope that someday I will have a relationship that is founded on these principles. Until then, I have love, trust, and peace in my relationship with God—built upon fidelity to Him.

Works Cited

Bednar, David A. “We Believe In Being Chaste”. Lds.Org, 2013, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/we-believe-in-being-chaste?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Benson, Ezra Taft. “Salvation—A Family Affair”. Lds.Org, 1992, https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/1992/11/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

Faust, James E. “The Enriching Of Marriage”. Lds.Org, 1977, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1977/11/the-enriching-of-marriage?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Mar 2019.

In the book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, the third principle is called Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away. As this title suggests, spouses will turn towards each other in little moments like putting your phone down when your partner asks a question. Or, helping to bring the groceries in when you can see your spouse has a few more loads. These small things build “mutual trust” in the relationship (Gottman, and Silver).

This idea of mutual trust is intriguing. What is mutual trust and why is it important in marriage and other relationships? We would do well to follow the principles of trust espoused in the scriptures and find ways to apply that counsel in our relationships.

Not Relying On Our Own Understanding

In Proverbs, we are counseled to the trust the Lord and not rely on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). How often do we assume the meaning behind the words and actions of another by leaning on our own understanding? In verse 6, we are told to acknowledge the Lord and then He will direct our paths. Instead of making assumptions, which are often wrong, we can ask our partner to clarify what they just said or why they seem to be upset so that our understanding is clear.

For instance, if you come home and see the house in a mess and wonder why the kids are running around nearly naked, will you assume your spouse has been watching TV and ignoring the kids? Or will you gently wrap your arms around her and ask her how you can help? You are most likely as tired and exhausted as she is, possibly more, but turning towards her in what may be a time of need will strengthen the bonds in your relationship. As we learn to seek understanding in the words and actions of our spouses, we will build mutual trust.

Putting Our Mutual Trust In God

In the Old Testament we learn the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. They refused to worship the golden image that Nebuchadnezzar created, so they were thrust into a fiery furnace as punishment. They collectively placed their trust in God and were delivered from death (Daniel 3:19-28). There are other instances in the scriptures too where putting trust in God has delivered His people from destruction.

In a Christian marriage, there is no way to successfully navigate the trials that every relationship faces without trust in God and in one another. In every instance in the scriptures where trust is placed in God, there is a promise of deliverance. As we turn towards God together, we also turn towards one another. Not only are we rescued from our trials, but our marriage is fortified against further hardships.

Safeguarding Our Spouse’s Heart

Here is a beautiful explanation of mutual trust in marriage as told by Sister Barbara B. Smith, a former General Relief Society President:

“The scriptural passages in Proverbs 31 are well known for their listing of the admirable qualities of the virtuous woman, whose ‘price is far above rubies’ (verse 10), but in verse 11 we discover a remarkable description of marriage. It reads: ‘The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.’ This memorable line discloses, first, that the husband has entrusted his heart to his wife, and second, that she safeguards it. They seem to understand an important truth, that every man and woman who covenant to establish a family must create a safe place for their love (Smith).”

Isn’t that beautiful? Mutual trust creates “a safe place for … love.” This is a place devoid of contention, resentment, and contempt. When we’re in this place, we see the good and uplift one another. Additionally, we place our covenants above our own wants and see to the needs of one another.

Not relying on our own understanding, putting our mutual trust in God, and safeguarding our spouse’s heart are just a few things that we can do in marriage that will turn us toward one another and build a stronger marriage. As we follow these and other examples in the scriptures, our hearts will be “knit together in unity and love towards one another” (Mosiah 18:21).

I know that as we search the scriptures for principles that will strengthen our relationships, we will find a treasure trove of examples that we can follow. As we liken the scriptures to ourselves and act on our inspiration and knowledge, we will have the help of the Lord. He is our best hope for having a happy marriage and family.

Works Cited

Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books, 2015, p. 87.

Griffiths, W. (n.d.). Posts [Pinterest page]. Retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/7740630587668361/

Mormon.org. Husband And Wife Reading Scriptures. 2015, https://www.mormon.org/blog/45-scriptures-that-mention-love. Accessed 22 Feb 2019.

Smith, Barbara B. “A Safe Place For Marriages And Families”. Lds.Org, 1981, https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1981/11/a-safe-place-for-marriages-and-families?lang=eng. Accessed 20 Feb 2019.

Forever And A Day

A perspective on marriage and family

Tag: trust

Fidelity

Trust in the Scriptures and in Our Relationships